Бог би ни простил всичко, освен липсата на радост

Бог би ни простил всичко, освен липсата на радост

Ивинела Самуилова е един от най-популярните съвременни български писатели, автор на четири романа. Според читатели, книгите на Ивинела действат като терапия – вдъхновяват и връщат изгубената жизнерадост.

Самата авторка, богослов по образование, твърди, че чудесното е нормата на живота и вярва, че да се радваме е наша свещена мисия и дълг.
Дебютната й книга „Животът може да е чудо” бе класирана от читатели на първо място в националния конкурс „Книгата, която ме вдъхновява”. (Прототип на главния герой в книгата е необикновеният психолог Алексей Бъчев – реална личност.)
Последният й роман пък – „Къде отиваш, пътнико?”, зае второ място в същия конкурс и попадна в класацията ТОП 20 на пл. „Славейков” за най-търсените български книги през последната година.
И в четирите романа на Ивинела, героинята й Ади, в която много хора разпознават себе си, успява да преодолее редица ограничения, включително страха от смъртта и да възстанови изгубената радост и смисъл в живота си.

Ивинела е моят първи гост, в рубриката” За живота с любов и още нещо”.
Словослагателка и чудоваятелка с вълшебна гледна точка, фея..
Зададох и куп въпроси, а ето какво ми отговори тя:

Петя: Знам, че нямаш личен опит със състояния, като паника, паник атаки и тревожност, но темата не ти е чужда.
Напоследък те са като епидемия.
На какво се дължи това, според теб?

Ивинела: Основната причина, мисля си, е в изгубването на усещането за цялост и връзка с вселената.
Човекът и светът са разделени, вече няма чувство на принадлежност и доверие. Така реалността става външна по отношение на човека, става му чужда и враждебна и всичко за него се превръща в заплаха.
В богословска терминология става въпрос за секуларизацията на нашата култура.
Човек е доведен до това да обърне гръб на Бога, да се вземе много на сериозно, да заяви, че той е мярката за всички неща, да си повярва, че всичко зависи от него и е под негов контрол и в крайна сметка – неминуемо да се провали – често с гръм и трясък – в това свое невъзможно самоупование.

Петя: Kакво означава изразът “силен човек”?

Ивинела: Означава, че социумът ни прави на глупаци.
Първо ни кара да повярваме, че можем сами, автономно от Бог, света и другите, да направим еди-какво си, а после, когато (естествено) се окаже, че не можем, ни окуражава да бъдем силни. „Бъди силен”, „вярвай в себе си” – според мен, да се вслушваме в тези социумни мантри, е сигурният начин да полудеем. Лудниците не са пълни със слаби хора, а с такива, повярвали твърде много в себе си.
Взели лъжата за човешкото всемогъщество твърде на сериозно.

Петя: Плачеш ли и когато да, за какво?
Кое е нещото, което може да предизвика сълзи у теб?

Ивинела: Плача, когато съм щастлива, когато се умилявам, когато се трогвам, когато нещо развълнува сърцето ми дълбоко.
Плача и когато тъгувам или когато съм засегнала някого. Но никога не плача заради проблеми – в смисъл, от самосъжаление.
Усетя ли, че се самосъжалявам, значи съм попаднала в най-големия капан, за който споменах – този на сериозността. Моето мнение е, че сме жертви на една голяма заблуда по отношение на тревожността.
Тя не е непременно деструктивна. Напротив – човек по природа е тревожно същество, защото е осъзнато същество.
Всяка наша дейност е вид изпитание и тревожността е сигнал, че имаме потенциал да се справим. Тя е естествен жизнен инстинкт.
Тревожността става проблем, когато се фокусираме върху изпитанието, а не върху преодоляването му. А съвременната култура ни тласка точно към това – да се фокусираме върху проблемите, не в решенията им.
На този въпрос съм отделила специална тема в новата ми книга „Гатанки от небето”.

Петя: Лесно ли се разделяш с вещи, каква стойност имат те за теб?А с хора?

Ивинела: По принцип – много лесно. Хич не съм сантиментална и не живея с миналото.
Не съм и материална и не робувам на вещи, защото това ограбва вътрешната ми свобода.
Както казва един любим светец: „Светът ни се вижда могъщ, само докато му робуваме”.
Май и с хората съм така, без да влагам в това отношение някакъв непременно негативен смисъл.
Животът не е само външна, но преди всичко вътрешна динамика и в тази наша индивидуална динамика, понякога хората, които някога са ни били близки, престават да се вписват.

Петя: Kaк те променят загубите в живота? Какво е загуба?

Ивинела: Не се фокусирам върху загубите, а върху придобивките.
Загуба също е социумна категория.
В контекста на безкрая и вечността, такова понятие няма – как да изгубиш нещо, което е вечно? Но за хората, повярвали, че всичко в този свят и в този живот се изчерпва с това, което преживяват тук и сега, тази концепция сигурно звучи абсурдно.

Петя: Всеки има тежки моменти в живота си. Кое е нещото, което те изправя на крака?
Имаш ли свой механизъм да се “издърпаш за косата”, образно казано?

Ивинела: Може би всички са чували за Виктор Франкъл и за неговата книга „Човекът в търсене на смисъл”. Препоръчвам я горещо.
Авторът е бил в концентрационни лагери, изгубил е всички свои близки там. Той е създател на логотерапията – психология за преодоляване на отчаянието чрез намиране на смисъл.
Той е задавал на клиентите си, потърсили помощта му, един абсурден въпрос: „Защо не се самоубиеш?” И в техните отговори е търсил онази искра, нещото, което да задвижи жизнения процес отново и да върне радостта от живеенето. И да ги спаси от самосъжалението.
Моят механизъм е никога да не се самосъжалявам и да не оставям бездейна. Самосъжалението е атрибут на егото. То не е донесло никому нищо добро, то е непродуктивно и като вампир изсмуква жизнените ни сили.

Петя: Смъртта е част от живота и единственото сигурно нещо в него.
Как гледаш ти на смъртта, как я възприемаш, играе ли роля в осмислянето на твоя живот, плаши ли те или напротив?

Ивинела: Аз съм християнка, а от християнска гледна точка смъртта е придобивка – на вечността. Не мрачна дупка в земята, а светъл тунел в небето, така да се каже.
Ще се опитам да обясня накратко. Ако човек живее само 60-70 години на тази земя, претенциите му към този земен живот биха били основателни. Но това, в християнска перспектива, не е съдбата на човека. Дори някои видове червеи живеят по-дълго. Човек е създаден за безсмъртие.
Всеки човек по природа е вечен човек – образ и подобие на Бога.
Да, смъртта е грозна и болезнена – и Христос плака на гроба на приятеля си Лазар, преди да го възкреси.
Смъртта не е от Бога, но е единствения начин човек да се върне обратно при Него. Тя е нещо като условие за истинския живот.
Както излизането на бебето от утробата не слага край, а начало на живота му, така е и със смъртта.

Петя: Какво е Бог за теб?

Ивинела: Отговорът на всички гатанки за живота.

Петя: А какво е вяра, в какво вярваш ти самата?

Ивинела: В Бог. За мен вяра е доверие в Бога – да се откажа от собствените си умувания, критерии и претенции, че знам кое за мен е „добро” и да се доверя на Бог за това.
Неговата мярка е толкова по-голяма!

Петя: Казваш ли лесно “не”, въпреки социумните правила, когато сърцето ти го иска?

Ивинела: По-често – да. Но аз не се боря със социума – това е много изтощително, а и част от неговата игра.
Просто съм си избрала да играя на друго място и по други правила – в „Животът може да е чудо” разказвам как може да стане това.

Петя: Отношението ти към компромисите в живота?
За или против и кога?

Ивинела: И това е социумна категория. Да правиш компромис е като да преговаряш с неблагоприятните житейски обстоятелства.
Аз повече харесвам християнския вариант, при който критерият как да постъпваме, е любовта.
А тя, както казва апостол Павел, е дълготърпелива, пълна с благост, не се сърди, зло не мисли, на неправда не се радва, а се радва на истина…
Да се насилваме всичко да харесваме или всичко да става по нашата воля, е глупаво.
Но, ако имаме любов, тя е призмата, през която пречупваме всичко и може да използваме нейните инструменти, за да поправяме несъответствията в живота си – чрез милостта, прошката, разбирането..

Петя: Какво са спомените за теб?

Ивинела: Най-вече коректив за живота ми сега. Както лошите, така и хубавите. Лошите, за да ми напомнят каква не искам да бъда или как не бих искала да живея, а добрите – обратното.

Петя: Любима детска приказка и защо?

Ивинела: „Хубавка и чудовището”, именно заради това, което казах по-нагоре за компромисите.
Хубавка не прави компромис, като целува чудовището, а с милостта преодолява отвращението си от вида му. „Любовта не заварва някого най-прекрасен, а го прави такъв”, казват светите отци.

Петя: Обгрижваш ли детето в себе си и как?

Ивинела: О, да – най-вече, като не си позволявам удивлението от чудото да бъда жива да ме напуска.
И като се старая да запазя онази връзка с цялото, за която говорих и която е толкова характерна за децата.
Става въпрос за вълшебната нагласа към живота – тази, която не позволява социумът да ни слага ограничения за това кое е реално и кое- нереално, кое е възможно и кое – невъзможно и пр.

Петя: Умееш ли да уловиш мигът?

Ивинела: Мисля, че да – и обикновено го изразявам в стихове. Ето един миг:

Заслушвал ли си се във есента?
Във ромоленето на листопада,
в сърдитото бръмчене на муха,
подплашена от жълъд, който пада?

Във скока приглушен на скакалец
сред мъх, изсъхнала трева и шума
и в звучното цвърчене на скорец,
решил, че дадена му е последна дума?

А после – мирна, мека тишина,
потънала във багрите й топли…
Когато се заслушаш в есента,
заглъхват всякакви суетни вопли…

Петя: Как се забaвляваш?

Ивинела: С всичко, което правя.
И в работата ми – когато пиша, и когато не пиша – докато обикалям сред природата, карам колело, чета, срещам се с приятели..

Петя: Мечтаеш или имаш цел?

Ивинела: Не, не съм много по мечтите.
Винаги съм имала усещането, че между реалността и мечтата има същото онова разделение на света на две, което толкова се опитвам да избегна.
Все едно живееш в някаква нерадостна реалност, а мечтата е от другата страна на бариерата – някак недостижима.
Когато човек има вълшебна нагласа за живота по принцип, той живее чудото, а не мечтае – то е нормата на живота му.
За цели – да, имам цели, но всички те са обединени от една обща – каквото и да правя, да ме приближава до Бог..

Петя: Пътуването за теб е..?

Ивинела: Възможност да наблюдавам живота, да откривам жив опит в пътуването и в срещите, да натрупам впечатления, да осмислям преживяното и после да се опитам да го използвам по най-добрия начин, за да предам някое послание, което ми се струва важно.
Литературата има да гони живия живот – никой автор не може да измисли нещо по-добро от това, което животът ни предлага на тепсия.

Петя: Имаш ли смелостта да живееш?

Ивинела: Не се иска смелост за живота.
Той не е страшен, нито е заболяване, което трябва да преболедуваме, преди да умрем, както казва Алексей.
Живеенето е радване.
Защото, както казва един любим автор, Бог би ни простил всичко, освен липсата на радост.

Jivotut moje da e chudo

kude otivash putniko_korica

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