8) Робинята Изаура – модерна версия

8) Робинята Изаура - модерна версия

И така,това беше, моето първо запознанство с фрау Шедска.
Да, фамилията е славянска, впоследствие разбрах, как навремето голямата красавица от полски произход,бе емигрирала в Западна Германия и разполагайки единствено с красотата си, бе успяла да замае главата на един от най-влиятелните в този град мъже,богат уважаван и…в пъти по-стар от нея.
Фрау Шедска, след женитбата си, никога повече не бе работила или правила, каквото и да било друго.
Единият етаж на къщата,подземният, е бил използван навремето, само за прислугата,която е била доста голяма..
Съвсем, като на филм за съвременна Пепеляшка..

Разбира се, тези неща аз разбрах доста по-късно, както и много други, които накараха доста мои виждания, да се променят..
Тогава обаче, аз с разтреперани от ужас и притеснение крака,се катерех по стълбата и сглобявах, някакво изречение на немски в главата си..
Когато застанах срещу нея, се оказах доста по-висока и бабката отстъпи назад, след което ме измери с очи, като кон за продани на нещо подобно на немски ми каза, да я последвам в трапезарията..
Там говореха на “киолш”, местния диалект, който ужасно изкривяваше думите и те ставаха почти неразбираеми за мен и без това не свикнала още с езика..
Докато вървях след нея, ми мина през главата,че нищо мило не виждам в погледа на тази жена и чувството за студ остана, дори се затвърди.
Фрау Шедска ме заведе в трапезарията,това беше тъмната част от къщата, която не посмях да доближа през нощта, а сега на светлината пред мен се разкри огромно помещение с разкошни старинни мебели.
От едната страна имаше наистина невероятна и цветна, зимна вътрешна градина, а самата трапезария преминаваше, през огромна портална врата, към разкошно и необятно помещение – хол, разделен на няколко нива, всяко предназначено за нещо различно.
Имаше ниво за слушане на музика, със супер скъпа и невиждана от мен до тогава техника, имаше отделно пространство с ниска мебел, където явно се поднасяше кафе, също помещение за гледане на телевизия с огромен плазмен телевизор, какъвто до тогава в България, все още нямаше.
Всичко това, отвсякъде бе оградено с френски прозорци до земята, през които се виждаше не градина, а парк.
Дори не можех да видя до къде стига, явно обикаляше къщата отвсякъде.
Докато очите ми пробягваха по всичко това, фрау Шедска се бе настанила на красив бароков стол, който изглеждаше точно като трон, а и явно тя така се чувстваше седнала там.
Нямах време да осмисля всичко, тъй-като тя започна да говори бързо и рязко,а аз едвам успях да доловя, че явно ми се кара, затова че съм пуснала алармата, отваряйки прозореца.
В този момент из къщата се понесе звън на камбанка.
Това беше звънецът и фрауто ми посочи да отида да отворя.
На прага стоеше ниска, много набита и пълна жена, руса и синеока от типа мъжкарани.
Тя ме изгледа смаяно и влетя, а аз чувайки името си се върнах, обратно в трапезарията.
Фрау Шедска и жената говореха на бърз немски, като ме сочеха с очи. Аз се чувствах доста неловко.
Краката ми се подгъваха и наистина ми идеше да се изпаря на мига. Чувствах се зле, объркана и уплашена дори, а двете жени не спираха да говорят, да ме гледат и да се държат все едно съм някакъв предмет за обсъждане.
В договора за работа имаше клауза, която се казваше, че ще се храня със семейството на една маса и ме приемат, като негов член.
Бях забелязала сребърните сервизи и кристалите в огромните дървени скринове и още повече се притесних, дали ще успея да спазя етикета, който предполагах,че съществува тук.
Ех, блажени са вярващите, дето се вика.
Фрау Шедска ми махна да седна на един стол, първият от дълга редица от двете страни на продълговатата маса, която завършваше със същият разкошен стол, явно там е седял домакинът, нейният отдавна починал съпруг.
Странно, но докато се настанявах, усетих погледа на набитата жена и той изразяваше омраза.
Така се смаях.
Тя горката, си помислила, че ще трябва да слугува и на мен. Въпросната дама бе жена, която идваше два дена в седмицата и домакинстваше.
В Германия, много от жените-домакини изкарваха допълнителни пари, имено с такава работа.
Тя бе почасова и добре заплатена,особено в такива богати домове. Ставаше въпрос за четири часа, два пъти в седмицата, за което и се заплащаше 80 марки на същия ден, все още нямаше евро.
Разбира се, ако жената бе от друга националност, парите бяха наполовина. че и по-малко.
Та другата фрау, изпадна в тиха ярост, мислейки, че аз ще съм галеница на съдбата.
И се юрна към кухнята да донесе закуската, както разбрах.
Аз се строполих на стола и усещайки присвитите очи на Шедска, сменях всички цветове на дъгата и обилно се потях от напрежение.
И тогава чух,че фрау Шедска, ми обяснява как от сега нататък, ще се обръщам към нея с “мадам” Шедска?!
Помислих, че не чувам добре, тази жена определено си въобразяваше,че е велика.
Смаяно кимнах, опитвайки се да хапна нещо от закуската, която фрау Баум, тръсна пред мен.
Разбира се, не само,че не ми се ядеше, а направо ми призляваше.
Седях вдървено на стола и се опитвах да преглътна някакво парче, което упорито отказваше да мине през гърлото ми.
Задавих се и опитвайки се да се справя, започнах да кашлям и да се задъхвам, което ме накара да се почувствам адски непохватна и накрая почти се разплаках от неудобство.
Тъкмо се питах, как ще се храня така всеки ден и ще се притеснявам, когато “мадам” ме стрелна с поглед и ме попита дали съм свършила със закуската..
Eдва ли  бяха минали повече от 10 минути, но аз разбира се, веднага кимнах и тя повика фрау Баум.
Започна бързо да и обяснява нещо и в погледа на другата блесна злорадство,тя рязко ми махна с ръка и излязохме от трапезарията. Докато стоях по средата на огромната, приличаща на ресторантска по размерите си кухня, Баум се появи с прахосмукачка в ръце и ми я тикна.
Посочи ми коридора и ми каза да бързам,че много работа ни чакало.
Това бе първото и последно сядане на маса с “мадам”,но пък започваше дългото и непрекъснато чистене и слугуване в най-чист вид, което едва ли съм си представяла някога.
Думата “бързо”, за мен от този ден натам започна да означава издевателство над човека и тотален тормоз.
Тази дума ми предстоеше да чувам, стотици хиляди пъти на ден и никога, абсолютно никога, нищо не беше достатъчно добре или достатъчно бързо.
А тогава аз, облечена и издокарана, помъкнах прахосмукачката към коридора и се заоглеждах за контакт.
Фрау Баум зафуча и сърдито ми каза, да не се помайвам.
Опитах да обясня с усмивка,че не знам къде е контакта, но усмивката ми залезе при свирепия поглед и думите,че тук се работи бързо и аз за това съм там!?!?
В първият момент помислих,че не съм я разбрала добре. а  тя усетила сепнатият ми поглед, застана с ръце на кръста пред мен и ясно и отчетливо ми каза,че аз съм там за да чистя и то бързо.
Не бих могла да препредам снизходителното  изражение и демонстрацията на превъзходство.
Не бих могла да препредам погледа и по тялото ми, с моите 45кг и нежна фигура, застанала до приличащата на бизон фрау Баум.
Това не и се нравеше и имайки властта да ме унижи, тя се възползва на часа.
След прахосмукачката из едната половина на къщата, непрестанното следене ту от едната, ту от другата, още прибирайки я ми се каза БЪРЗО да отивам да мия прозорци.
Нека само да кажа, че ставаше въпрос за ранната пролет, дъждовете в Кьолн бяха в разгара си, а и там повечето време си беше все така. Беше ужасно студено, мъгливо и ветровито.
Аз все още бях по лека блузка и тънък панталон.
В кухнята ми беше приготвена огромна кофа и препарати, както и всякакви четки и бърсалки за стъкла.
Наредиха ми да пълня кофата, бързо и да излизам навън,където беше подпряна стълба.
Валеше ситен и напоителен дъжд, почти се беше стъмнило, толкова беше мрачно.
Наистина помислих, че не разбирам добре, дали трябваше да изляза и да мия стъкла в това време?!
Да, и то бързо.
Напълних кофата, но се оказа,че не съм била сложила достатъчно вода.
Върнах се за още.
Установих, че  едвам я вдигам тази кофа и тогава чух гласа на “мадам”.
Тя съскаше, присвила очи и сочеше кофата.
Още вода! И още!
Толкова беше тежка,че едвам вървях, оказа се,че се бавя.
По-бързо!!
Озовах се навън, на ужасният студ и трябваше да се кача по стълбата и да започна да мия френските прозорци, като слизам да изпирам бърсалките, през минута.
След 4-5 изплаквания, влизах да сменям водата,че била мръсна, макар прозорците да бяха съвсем чисти и поддържани.
А през цялото време, от вътрешната страна, “мадам” ме наблюдаваше и ръкомахаше непрекъснато, давайки ми някъкви неразбираеми инструкции, от което аз се сковавах още повече.
По-късно научих,че за тези френски витринни прозорци, идва специална фирма и ги мият само мъже, след което, биват полирани с машина, тъй като е изключително тежък, физически труд.
Всичко това, аз бях принудена да правя на ръка, уповавайки се на женската си физика.
Беше ми адски студено, не си усещах ръцете.
Толкова изкуствено създадено бързане, викане и тичане, не бях виждала.
Опитвах се  междувременно, да разбирам какво ми казват на непознат за мен език и на ужасен диалект и започнах да се уморявам, не на шега.
Никога до тогава не бях извършвала, толкова тежка физически работа, за толкова кратко време, под такъв стрес.
Чувствах ужасна слабост, почти се задушавах от бързане и притеснение, но се стараех всячески да се справя и се чудех къде точно бях пропуснала, че ме чака това в тъпия договор.
Къде е леката домакинска работа, като аз едвам вдигах поредната кофа,и то бе повече от видно,че не ми е по силите.
Успокоявах се с това,че поне е само няколко часа, не е цял работен ден и след това щях да имам време за учене, за курс, лично време.
Чак ми става жал за самата мен, колко съм била наивна..
Или по-точно, как се опитвах сама себе си да излъжа,че всичко е наред и ще се оправи.
От сутринта, до два след обяд, аз не спрях да мия прозорци, да влача кофи и между-другото да тичам да ми се показва от фрау Баум, как се пуска тази или онази  машина(сушилня,пералня,миялна).
Измих подовете в огромната кухня и коридорите, пренесох няколко каси със стъклени бутилки минерална вода, която докарваха всяка седмица в понеделник, стоварваха пред къщата и аз ги пренасях всичките вътре,сама.
Пуснах още веднъж прахосмукачката, но този път по килимите в трапезарията, хола и стаята с телевизора, избърсах прахта из същите тези помещения, като след мен непрекъснато се вървеше и се намираха грешки и ми се налагаше да повтарям някои неща, по няколко пъти.
В подземния етаж имаше гладачница и перално помещение  с едно единствено малко прозорче високо горе, откъдето се виждаше мъничко небе.
Толкова гадно и подтискащо помещение, където прекарвах часове наред по-късно, не бях виждала.
За почивка и дума не ставаше, на моменти ми се завъртаха кръгове пред очите от умора, но установих,че “мадам” изкача от всякакви места и е винаги дебнеща наблизо.
Гласът и свистеше в ухото ми и непрекъснато ме порицаваше.
Прозорците се оказаха недобре измити, но тя ме “успокои”,че утре ще ги измия пак, сега имало да гладя и викайки ми бързо,бързо,бързо се юрна към гладачницата,с невероятна за възрастта и скорост.
Аз буквално затичах след нея,бях посиняла от студ и от рязката смяна на температурата, там долу бе адски горещо ,ми притъмня съвсем. Леко понечих да се подпра на стената и тогава, тогава почти насън чух крясъците на тази жена, на вещицата “мадам”.
Тя викаше и викайки ми каза,че аз съм там да работя!!!
Че ако в моята страна сме били свикнали, да не работим, то там такова нещо нямало и веднага да съм почвала да гладя.
Трябваше да стисна неистово зъби, такава болка усетих, такава обида. Приближих се до дъската за гладене и заслушах обяснения как точно трябва да гладя.
Гладех всичко, даже долните и гащи, после  ги сгъвах по специален начин, ако не – тя ги разпръсваше и се налагаше да ги изгладя и преподредя пак и пак и пак.
След като ми даде наставление, “мадам” се изпари и ме остави да гладя.
В помещението нямаше столове, така че стоях права часове наред,без дневна светлина,без въздух,без нищо живо наоколо.
Там, на този подземен етаж в тази смразяваща тишина.
Която тишина,беше за предпочитане пред непрекъснатото викане на “мадам”,но също така ме подтискаше, направо ми спираше сърцето.
Тя крещеше за всичко и по всяко време.
Имаше тънък, писклив глас и когато той прорежеше тишината, аз буквално настръхвах, а в последствие и се разтрепервах, защото това винаги означаваше още работа или че пак не е доволна.
А тя никога не беше, от нищо.
Фрау Баум отдавна си беше тръгнала, аз бях сама и вече нищо не усещах по себе си от умора.
По едно време “мадам” се появи, тя ходеше с едни специални пантофи, които не вдигаха никакъв шум, за да се появява изневиделица, по всяко време, да ме проверява.
В погледа на тази старица, наистина имаше нещо садистично, тя изпитваше удоволствие да ме тормози и да има власт.
Усещах го. И в последствие се оказах права.
В агенцията, която и бе предлагала различни жени, се бяха хванали на бас,колко ще издържа аз.
Бяха ми дали седмица.
Аз стоях там 6 месеца и ме бяха обявили за луда или за мазохистка. После ми казаха, че никой не искал да остане там на работа,че всички бягали след няколко дни.
Семейството и търсело някой, който да живее там, не да идва за малко,понеже и те, нейните собсвени деца и внуци, не я понасяли.
И така се наложило, да търсят някой от чужбина, някой като мен.
От бивша, бедна социалистическа страна, над който тя да издевателства.
Защото не се сещам за друга дума, помнейки на какво ме подлагаше всекидневието.
Та, появи се вещицата и ми каза,че мога да спра и да се прибера в стаята си.
Аз послушно оставих ютията и тогава чух, как ми се казва,че имам право да съм на горният етаж САМО и ЕДИНСТВЕНО докато работя през деня,след това ми е категорично забранено да изкачвам стъпалата натам дори!?
Че след спиране на работа, имам право САМО и ЕДИНСТВЕНО да пребивавам в стаята си и никъде другаде!
Че ще се храня сама в стаята си, сама ще си готвя на една печка в стаите на прислугата и НЯМАМ право да напускам дома и без нейно изрично РАЗРЕШЕНИЕ и то само в почивния си ден, който е неделя!Че ми е абсолютно забранено да отварям хладилника в нейната кухня и да взимам нещо от него и  сутрин точно в 8 трябва да съм и сервирала закуска в леглото, да има прясно изцеден портокалов сок-задължително.
Другото щяла да ми каже утре, понеже се БИЛА УМОРИЛА ЗА ДНЕС?!?!
След тези нареждания, тя ми пожела “лека вечер” и се изкачи по стълбите нагоре,оставяйки ме в подземието сама.
Постоях така няколко минути  и се юрнах към стаята си надолу по коридора.
Там се хвърлих на леглото и започнах да налагам възглавницата с юмруци.
Хлипах ,хълцах, душех се в стенания, болка,ужас , обида, гняв. Цялата умора, стисканите цял ден сълзи и нерви ме разтърсваха на конвулсии.
Как щях да живея тук, как да стоя сама, затворена в подземието,без въздух,без нищо живо?
Обземаше ме паника и се засилваше.
През гадния, решетъчен, висок прозорец, виждах малко небе, а тя не даваше да се отварят прозорците,защото в шест часа,се спускаха капаците,по всички възможни такива в цялата къща и се включваше алармата.
След това, мърдане от там нямаше, и усещането наистина бе, като за жив заровен.
Резкият контраст, между супер луксозния горен етаж и ужасния подземен мавзолей,бе несравним.
Тя изрично бе подчертала, че моето място е там.
За нея аз наистина бях слугиня,при това от най-низшите, както си позволи да ми каже неколкократно, през следващите месеци.
Да засегне Родината ми, семейството ми, приятелят ми.
Мен, като човек и личност.
И тогава, докато в мен се надигаше познатата паника, докато сърцето ми се ускоряваше и тялото ми започна да изтръпва и да се сковава,чух как бавно започват да се спускат капаците на алармата.
С неизмерим ужас, гледах как изчезва и последното късче небе.
В стаята настана абсолютен мрак, но аз не бях в състояние да стана и да светна лампата.
Имах усещането, че  полудявам,че нямам грам въздух,че умирам. Атаката ме връхлетя, силна и страшна, неконтролируема.
Изправих се залитайки.
Опитвах се да се хвана за нещо,тресях се.
Исках да хвана нещо, да се уверя,че ме има, защото усещането,че изчезвам ме влудяваше.
Сядах,кляках.
Плачех.
И всеки път щом паническата атака ме отпуснеше, мисълта за мястото където съм, за утрешният ден и безизходицата в която бях, я подновяваше с нова сила.
Най-много му ужасяваше мисълта, че не съм свободна,че някой друг се разпорежда с мен,че не мога да изляза,че не мога да отворя прозореца и да дишам.
Господи, аз имах нечовешка нужда да дишам, а някой ми бе отнел това право.
И една част от мен, една позабравена част, която обожаваше свободата си, част която аз самата бях натикала някъде дълбоко в мен, ми казваше,че бъркам,че не бива да допускам това, че имам избора да се махна оттам.
А другата, измъчена от страхове част, ми напомни, какво поредно “разочарование” бих била за семейството си,за хората около мен. Вината ме захлупи, смаза ме и аз и се предадох.
В името на някой друг, реших да жертвам себе си.
“Да се стегна” – така и казват на тази жертва и ние сами и доброволно я правим, уж за добро.
Но чие добро?!
И аз останах, за да я дам..
Следва продължение..

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